Dissolution of Trust
by luvcsimiami
Summary: Hello All, This is a short fan fiction for E/C revolving around episode 725 'Seeing Red' I was feeling a little angsty so here goes and I hope you like it. It's all from Calleigh's point of view and if you all like it I may add to it. Please R
1. Chapter 1

_Ok, you know that if you have talked to him, if you have helped him it makes you an accessory._

_I know the law._

_Do you? I mean do you really?_

_Let's talk about this later._

Over and over the conversation replayed in her mind like a recording. The record was stuck in the same spot and it was all she could hear. Her heart actually hurt from the pain, the anger, the despair, the anxiety she was feeling about all that had happened that day.

Everything that could have gone wrong had managed to go horribly wrong. Not only had she comprised her own judgment but by doing so she had unwittingly allowed a bad situation to get much worse. Why had she taken the picture to Eric? She loved him, yes. Even after his lie to her, she still trusted him. Still she knew he wasn't thinking clearly and he wasn't being rational where his biological father was concerned. The only thing for to have done was to take the evidence to Horatio and let him make the final decision about what to do. Instead she had let her emotions rule her head and instead offered the picture to Eric that provided the catalyst he needed to make exactly the wrong decision.

She had no one to blame but herself. She could admit now that even if her judgment had been compromised, Eric's had been more than a little clouded…or so she had thought. Hearing Sharova's words, seeing the man's concern she was beginning to doubt what she thought she knew. Was it possible that Eric had been telling her the truth all along? As if her pain wasn't deep enough that thought made it worse. Here she was sitting in her Hummer in the everglades watching the dogs and the masses of officers combing every inch of the last place they knew Eric to have been, in frantic search of his body and she could only stare unseeingly out of the windshield. Her eyes were bloodshot from all of her crying. Even now she couldn't stem the tears. It was as if a gate had been opened and every emotion she had been holding back rushed forth when she realized that Eric was missing and he was hurt.

It made her last words to him seem even more harsh and accusatory. Although she felt athe time that she had been justified in saying them she would give anything to take the words back…to erase that as the last moment they had shared together. He had walked off angry and hurt and in her own pain and anger she had allowed him to leave her that way. Her thought had been the same as his, that they would talk about it later. Now, it was later and she didn't know if she was ever going to have another later moment with Eric ever again. Her conscience and her anger warred with each other. She was angry at herself for being so stupid as to put herself in the position of breaking protocol in the first place. If she hadn't done that they wouldn't be in this position now. She was angry at Eric for getting himself into this situation. Why hadn't he listened? Was Sharova telling the truth? All those things seemed secondary now in the face of him missing. Where was he? What condition would they find him in? Would they find him? Would he be alive if they found him? She couldn't bear the thought of not knowing where he was and what he was going through.

'Eric.' She whispered brokenly. 'Where are you?'

He was hurt and he needed her and all she could manage to do was sit here and cry. Gone was the emotionless, cold Calleigh Duquense. In her place was a woman she barely recognized. If someone had told her she would fall so hard and so fast for Eric Delko ten years ago she would have laughed herself silly. Now she couldn't muster up a shred of laughter at just how real her feelings had become. Never in her life had she felt such anguish and such helplessness, such pain and hurt, such love and such anger. In spite of it all the only thing that she could think was that she couldn't lose him. They had to get him back if only to save her own sanity.

Sitting up in the Hummer she wiped her eyes, blew her nose and exited the vehicle. Pulling herself together she knew that sitting there crying wasn't helping find Eric. Horatio had sent her back to the car and she was well aware of the fact that her emotional breakdown was all Horatio needed to put two and two together. The secret she shared with Eric was no longer a secret and she really didn't care at that moment. Those consequences she would deal with later. Her only concern right at this moment was to find the man she loved and pray that when she found him he was still alive and in one piece. She exited the vehicle, grabbed her flashlight and headed towards the first group of officers she saw searching the underbrush.

She would help to find him, she would help to get him back. It was the only thing that mattered to her. She didn't fool herself into thinking that all was going to be wonderful with them when she did get him back. There were so many things the two of them were going to have to face. If she had been wrong and Eric hadn't lied to her or deceived her she was going to have a long way to go to explain herself to him. If he had lied and deceived her he was going to know the full measure of her wrath, hurt, and disappointment. Irregardless of who was to blame, and how they got to where they are now she was determined this was something they were going to have to overcome. They would survive this…they had to…because as she had told Horatio…they couldn't lose him. She couldn't lose him.


	2. Chapter 2

_He wouldn't do this. You don't know him._

_I'm sorry, do you know him? You can't cross this line. I won't watch you do it._

Over and over those words played in his head and the pain in his body was nothing compared to the pain in his heart at her loss of faith in him. At the underlying ultimatum in her voice when she had said it. They had argued before but nothing like the two they had that very day. Her words had hurt and while he would admit that he had brought some of it on himself, he hadn't been prepared at just how much her distrust had caught him off guard. He had never exercised so much restraint over himself so that he wouldn't lash out and hit back with words every bit as hurtful as hers. Now he was only God knows where with no idea of when or if he would be found. If the pain in his body was any indication, he was seriously hurt and he didn't even know if he was going to make it out of this alive. That thought didn't scare him but it did cause him deep regret. Regret that he might never see Calleigh again, never get the chance to explain why he had done all of this.

Calleigh. Her name was a constant refrain in his head. His eyes were tightly closed and all he could see was the shocked look on her face when he had met her eyes from the getaway car he had been driving from the scene of the crime. God, would she ever forgive him? Had he lost everything because he had been trying to do the right thing? He didn't know the answer and that thought made him groan aloud as his injuries began to send radiating pain throughout his entire body. If he kept his thoughts centered on her then it made the pain seem a little more distant.

He could hear voices, agitated voices if his ears were picking the sounds up correctly. He had been awake for a few minutes and he figured he could continue to play possum for at least another hour. Maybe by then they would figure out what to do with him. He had no idea where he was and if he were honest he didn't want to know. Everything had gone to hell in a hand basket the minute he had found out his father had gotten another call from the mob to go to that warehouse. He had made it there first and after talking his father out of doing what he was about to do, he had convinced him to turn himself in. It's what he had been working towards all day…ever since Calleigh had shown him that picture. He had made up his mind that if his father hadn't done the right thing he would bring him in himself. The choice had been taken out of his hands when the mob had shown up. It was then that Eric knew the whole thing had been a trap.

He was already in the car with his father getting ready to drive off but they were stopped and held at gunpoint before he could get out of there. Fortunately for them MDPD had shown up and an all out gunfight had ensued. He had used the distraction to step on the accelerator and get as far away from the mob as he could. Several bullets hit the car and one had hit him in the side. He had barely felt it with the adrenaline rush coursing through him as he focused on getting them out of there in one piece. The last thing he had expected was to end up driving towards Calleigh and seeing her shooting at him.

The shocked look in her eyes and her total stillness as he made eye contact when he drove in front of her had struck him if when her bullet had missed. It had whizzed by his head as he had ducked. She had barely missed him and knowing that she was a dead shot he was thankful her aim had been off. Unfortunately he had only had a minute to think about that when he realized that they had been followed. The car behind him wasn't a county vehicle and he knew the mob had sent insurance to make sure their plan was carried out.

His intent had been to drive straight to the lab and walk his father in. He had to change his plans when he saw he was being tailed. Looking over at his father he saw the look on his face and he thought that once again he had been had.

"Was this part of your plan?" He snapped.

"Eric, it's not what you think." Sharova told him. "I promised I would turn myself in, but they told me if I didn't want you dead I would do what they said. When you showed up at the warehouse I knew they meant to kill us both."

At the time Calleigh's words had been playing in his head and he had started to doubt that his instincts about Sharova were right. He knew that Sharova had been a bad man, but he had also felt that the man had wanted to get out. His regrets at the life he had lead seemed genuine. While Eric was no fool he had felt that Sharova's about-face was sudden, he had held onto the fact that the man had at least risked his life to help him. He had told Calleigh as much but she hadn't understood.

In light of everything that had been going on with him, he really couldn't expect her to because he had never explained. He hadn't been able to bring himself to explain. How could he tell her that he had been responsible for single handedly ripping his family apart? How could he explain to her the utter shame he felt at being practically abandoned by those he had thought would love him no matter what? It was at times like these that he missed Mari so much it hurt.

He had been so close to Mari and when she died he felt as if a part of him were missing. All that time he spent preparing for her death he thought he had been ready to face it. It was doubly hard to realize that he hadn't been ready to lose her at all. Her loss had caused him to start spending more time with his family and he would listen to his mother tell stories about the births of him and his siblings. She would talk about the antics and the mischief that he and Mari used to get into. Every time the family got together those topics came up. It was then that he realized that his mom told the story the same every time except when it came to his birth. There were only nuances and minor changes to the story so that he was the only one that noticed. He was a cop after all and he was trained to notice the slight changes in people's stories as time passed. Those changes had made him start to question their family history. He never really knew what he had expected to find, but finding out that the man he had thought all of his life was his father turned out not to be his father at all had never crossed his mind. He still hadn't believed it until he had gotten his real birth certificate. When his mom had confirmed it he had been devastated.

Devestated enough not to want to face it all. All that changed when someone tried to kill him. Then he had no choice but to face the ramifications of his digging. H had called him out and he had no choice but to tell him what was going on. Even after he had revealed to H about his true citizenship status H had told him not to talk to anyone until they could figure a way out of the situation. As much as he had wanted to talk to Calleigh about it, he knew H was right and the less people that knew the truth about him the better. He had no idea that Derek Powell was intending to use that information as evidence against him in a trial to get his client off for committing murder. He had told H that he was only looking for answers but he soon realized then that even if he hadn't done the research he would have found out one way or the other that his father wasn't his father.

Unfortunately, Derek Powell's investigation had done a lot of damage and that's when Eric found out just how deep his mother's deception had gone. His own father, the man that had raised him, the one he had called Papi since he could talk had no idea that he wasn't his son. When his parents had found out that he was going to be deported and why the entire secret had come out and now the entire family knew. He had never expected the reaction from his father that he had gotten from him. It had taken only one weekend with his family for him to realize things would never be the same. His father wouldn't look him in the eye. He tried to hide it but his withdrawal from him had been a tangible thing and Eric had felt his own heart ripped apart. Just like that the man hadn't wanted anything to do with him. The pride in his son was no longer there…after all it wasn't really his son. Suddenly family gatherings weren't the same. He could hear the laughter and the fun inside until he walked through the door then an uncomfortable silence would descend as all eyes turned towards his father. Eric knew then that things would never be the same. His mother was doing everything she could to make up to his father so Eric was the one left out in the cold. He understood. There was no Mari to turn to so he had done the next best thing and stopped forcing his presence on his family.

When Sharova had begun to contact him he figured the least he could do was to get to know the man since the one he had known as his father had all but abandoned him.

It was then that Eric realized that Sharova was trying to make up for past mistakes. Apparently H had gotten to him. Horatio had that effect on people and so Sharova had not only come and confirmed who he was to INS he had decided he would reach out and try to get to know his son. Eric figured the least he could do was give him a chance. Unfortunately, he had never been able to tell Calleigh why he had been so adamant to spend time with the man.

To Calleigh none of his actions with Sharova made sense. She even told him once that he was risking the family he had for a man who never wanted to know him and had said didn't owe him anything. It was the perfect opening to tell her everything but he couldn't bring himself to do it. The pain had been so raw that he didn't trust himself to tell her without bawling like a baby. Now his refusal to face the facts had landed him in the worst mess of his life. Here he was on a cold, concrete floor with a bullet wound, a concussion from being run off the road, and several broken ribs. His breath was coming in short painful gasps and he wondered if he had punctured a lung on top of it. He didn't know how long he would last without medical attention but he hoped it was long enough to see Calleigh and apologize for doing the one thing he had never wanted to do. She had been hurt by every man in her life and he had added himself to the list. No matter his reasons she didn't deserve that and he needed to tell her so.

He couldn't blame her for doubting him and he chastised himself now for not letting her in. She meant everything to him. She was the one constant in his life and he had let her down by not being completely honest with her. His shame and his pride had led him here and Calleigh was deeply hurt because of it. All of this was his fault and while he wasn't sure how he would undue all the damage he had done to Calleigh, he swore to himself he would live long enough to at least try. He had to. He couldn't lose her.


	3. Chapter 3

_You okay? I think they got away with hundreds of automatic weapons._

_The silver car that fled the scene…_

_Yeah right, I'll put out a BOLO_

_It was Eric._

_Excuse me?_

_He was driving and Sharova was in the car with him_

_Wait a minute. What?_

_It was Eric? I shot at him._

_Are you sure?_

_Yes._

Ryan was standing in the center of the everglades about thirty miles from where the silver car had slid to a halt. He was surrounded by cadaver dogs and uniforms as they searched everywhere for Eric. The search had been going on for hours, night had fallen, the flashlights were out, helicopters were circling above and still there was no sign of his colleague and friend. His thoughts were chaotic and every once in a while flashes of his conversation with Calleigh would distract him from what he was doing. He had hoped she had been seeing things and when he had been called to the scene by Horatio and saw the car he knew she had been right.

"God, Eric, man what were you thinking? Where the heck are you?" Ryan muttered aloud to himself.

His emotions were all over the place and it was unusual for him but he was really worried. Blood in the car indicated a serious wound. He wanted to find Eric and he wanted to find him alive. At the same time there was a part of him that knew that if they found him alive, they were probably going to have to arrest him. How could they not in light of the evidence they had staring them in the face? He knew things had been tense between Eric and Calleigh that day and he guessed now he knew why. Never in a million years would he have thought they would have been arguing about whether or not Eric was going to commit a crime. He shouldn't have been surprised in light of the fact that he had obviously done it for his father, but Ryan was still stunned that Eric would even think of crossing the line.

Despite all of their differences, arguments and fights he knew that Eric was a good man and above all he was a great CSI. Sure the bullet had slowed him down and he had to relearn some things but he still was capable of doing his job. The dedication he had was something that Ryan admired. Lesser men would have given up long ago especially after the continuous hits he had taken from so many people who wanted to use the bullet in his temporal lobe as an excuse to question his competency. Over and over again it had been questioned and the more it was questioned the harder and the more determined Eric became to prove them wrong. It wasn't easy to keep standing up when there was always someone there to knock you down.

To be honest, Eric had taken so many personal hits he didn't know how the guy was still sane. First he got busted for buying marijuana for his dying sister and almost lost his job because of it. Then his sister ended up getting killed by the Mala Noche gang only weeks after finding out the cancer had finally gone into remission. Then he ends up getting shot in the line of duty and had to relearn the job he had done for years all over again. As if that wasn't enough he got targeted by the Russian mob, finds out his biological father is tied up in the organization and almost gets deported. Ryan would have called 'uncle' by now and gone into seclusion. Eric was too persistent to give up and that's what he admired about him. He figured the only good thing that had come out of all his trials was the fact that he had finally gotten Calleigh.

Ryan knew they thought no one knew what was going on. Sure they did a good job for the most part of hiding it at work. As a matter of fact he had never seen them act more professional except for a few secret looks between them once in a while. It was their very act of ignoring each other at crime scenes and barely making eye contact that had given them away. Most people wouldn't have noticed but Ryan had been around both of them long enough to know when they weren't acting quite right. The joking and playing at crime scenes had stopped between them as soon as they had become a couple. They were all business and while he wasn't complaining about that he did think they could loosen up a bit. It's not like he was going to go running through the lab and make an announcement. He wanted in on the secret for the simple pleasure of being able to openly tease the two of them. Especially Eric who had been Mr. Ladies man for as long as he had known him. Seeing the difference in Eric with Calleigh was surprising to say the least. It was also a never ending source of entertainment for Ryan because he was pretty sure it was the first time Eric had been so serious about any woman.

Ryan knew it had taken them forever to get together. He actually thought it was great and in spite of the fact that IAB would have a field day if they knew, Ryan thought it was time that the two of them had finally decided to give each other a chance. They were great friends and it wasn't unusual for friends to turn into something more when you worked with that person day in and day out for seven long years. They all had been through a lot together, but even he recognized that Eric and Calleigh had been through more with each other and with Horatio than any other CSIs on the team. Now they were going through one more thing and this time all of them were involved. Ryan actually wondered if their relationship had backfired. He had seen the intensity in their conversation earlier that afternoon. Calleigh had been angry and he had hated seeing her so upset. Instead of prying he decided to try and cheer her up. He had gotten a smile out of her and while his first reaction had been to go find Eric and ask him what his problem was, Ryan had learned his lesson about assuming. He loved Calleigh and he loved Eric. He wasn't about to take sides without knowing what was happening. Besides he didn't think either one of him would confide in him anyway. He could understand that since he wasn't exactly the most trusted member of the team.

Sometimes he hated that because there were times when he just wanted to belong, be accepted, be a friend. Every time he got comfortable, something would happen. H would come to him for some secret mission or he would stumble across something he wasn't meant to see, hear or know. He was always being put in the role of being a snitch or someone less than trustworthy. His actions with Tara didn't give him the impression that he was going to be leaving that status anytime soon. Even though he hadn't set out to get Tara arrested the entire situation had had turned out badly. He didn't want to report her but she had endangered and hurt a lot of people by her actions. No one could identify better than him. He had done the same thing years ago with his gambling and he had learned his lesson. Except for his actions with circumventing their last investigation in order to save Billy, Ryan had walked the straight and narrow without changing course since his return. He wasn't proud that it had taken getting fired to bring him around, but at least he was man enough to recognize his mistakes and move on. Most people wouldn't think it or even realize it but Eric was the same way.

Sure the guy made lots of mistakes. Harboring hostility against Ryan for not being Tim Speedle was one of the major ones. Losing his badge because of engaging in risky behavior because he hadn't dealt with Speedle's death was another. Still, Eric did his best to make up for his mistakes whenever they happened even if he didn't always pay the consequences. Of course Ryan figured he did pay the consequences it just wasn't the way everyone expected. Losing his best friend in Tim Speedle was a serious consequence to pay for showing up late to crime scenes and not taking your job seriously. Tim's death had changed all that and it was Cooper that had told Ryan when he first started just how dedicated Eric had become after Speed's death. Having your competency questioned every five minutes by every new defense attorney that came along was a serious consequence for letting your colleague take your proficiencies for you. Everyone in the lab thought they knew what had happened with that whole situation, but no one really knew or understood it like Ryan did.

Ryan knew Calleigh well enough to know she had taken the fall for Eric and probably for the lab. Eric had all but said it was his fault they couldn't use the evidence anyway. Besides that Ryan had recognized Eric's writing and he was pretty sure Natalia had also. H would have recognized it if he had been shown the video, but H hadn't asked any questions and none of them had volunteered the information. Rick Stetler was the only idiot who hadn't availed himself of the handwriting expert they had in house to confirm the writing on the notes before he had acted. If the man had done his job he would have found out what the rest of them had known…the handwriting was Eric's and not Calleigh's. Instead of investigating he had believed what he read on that stupid website and gone straight to Calleigh. As usual good old Calleigh had to be the martyr once again. In spite of Eric's objections she had taken the fall and like Ryan Eric had let her.

It's the same thing she had done with him with that stupid supernote and honestly he had been angry at her for doing it. Maybe if she had let him take the heat for the supernote he wouldn't have ended up getting fired for gambling later. Ryan was pretty sure he probably would have stopped the gambling and wouldn't have made that risky bet with that bookie if Calleigh had made him face the consequences of his actions the first time around. The chances of the lab losing their accreditation over his stupid mistake wouldn't have happened. That had been proven when he finally did get caught and had to account for every single one of the cases he had worked on. Of course, he didn't absolve himself of guilt either. He should have stepped up and done the right thing no matter what Calleigh had said. Eric should have done the same think, but instead of telling Eric that Ryan had stayed out of it and part of him admitted that he wanted to protect Eric as well. Neither one of them had done Eric any favors. Now it looked as if Eric was going to pay some serious consequences thanks to their enablement and Ryan unfortunately knew exactly how that felt.

Ryan was angry with Calleigh because he knew that if she hadn't covered for Eric and if Eric had been forced to face the consequences of some of his earlier mistakes, he wouldn't have done something as stupid as the stunt he had pulled today. He was sure a lot of people were blaming Eric. Ryan was well aware that the guy was a hot head and he didn't always think before he spoke. He was quick to call others out, but Ryan also noted that he held himself to the same standards and was quick to admit when he made a mistake. Ryan could actually understand Eric's position and while he was responsible for his actions the fact of the matter was it wasn't always easy to stand up to Calleigh when she was raking you over the coals. He suspected Eric had gotten a taste of that today if their body language outside the auto shop had been any indication. Calleigh on a tear was not something to take lightly and usually the best course of action was to just walk away. Eric had apparently walked away and walked right into the middle of a mess.

As angry as he was at Calleigh he was pretty angry at Delko as well. As irrational as it was, Ryan hated feeling scared and anxious when one of his colleagues was in danger. Eric had almost died and been deported. Now it looked as if he had been killed or kidnapped or both. How many times was he going to put them all through the emotional ringer? Their jobs were dangerous enough without them going to look for trouble. Only Eric would be so stubborn by getting into this kind situation and not involve anyone else. Ryan knew it was because he thought he was protecting them. What he didn't realize was the pain that was caused when they had to live through hours and sometimes days of uncertainty because one of their own was hurt and missing. Ryan vowed when they got him back, if they got him back, he was going to let him know.

Having to deal with him getting shot the first time made Ryan realize some pretty significant things. For the first time in five and half years he had finally understood Eric's response to him when he had first joined the team. The uncertainty and the anxiety Ryan had gone through when he didn't know if Eric was going to make it had been one of the worst moments of his life. Despite all of their differences and all their arguments they were friends. Contrary to popular belief, they were actually pretty good friends. It just turned out that they didn't always get along at work, but it didn't mean they hated each other. All it really meant was that they argued…a lot…and then they got over it and moved on. Both of them were competitive and liked to joke, sometimes those things made them get along great and sometimes it made them clash. Ryan had never had that kind of relationship with anyone and when he heard just how many times Eric had died on the operating table before they had managed to stabilize him, he was forced to consider how it would be if Eric was no longer there.

Ryan couldn't imagine someone else taking his place. As a matter fact his entire being rebelled at the idea and it was then he had a slight understanding of what Eric had gone through when Ryan had shown up to take Speedle's place in the lab. He would have liked to think that he would have been more welcoming than Eric, but he couldn't say with one hundred percent certainty that he would have been. Although some might have thought he would have welcomed a friendlier face than Eric Delko, Ryan knew that wasn't necessarily the case. Ryan liked the challenge that Eric presented and he liked that they had to work on their friendship. It made it all the more important to him. He suspected Eric felt the same way although he didn't always show it. Sure he could rip into him like no one's business when he felt the occasion called for it. Ryan also knew that if anyone ever threatened him Eric would have his back without a second thought. The only times that hadn't been true was when both he and Calleigh had thought he had something to do with H's fake murder and this last time when he had sabotaged a case. Both times he had been hurt and disappointed with his colleagues for being so ready to believe the worst of him.

It had been too easy for both of them to jump to the wrong conclusion. No matter how upset he had been at the two of them Ryan had understood their anger both times. He knew how he would have reacted if he had seen a text on one of their cell phones in relation to H's death. They were trained to follow the evidence after all. In that situation it was easy for him to put himself in their shoes and see things from their side. Sabotaging the case had been a different situation but he had to say that in spite of his reasons he could understand their anger. He had purposely lied to Calleigh twice when she had sensed something wasn't quite right. Eric's response had been expected, but as hurt as Ryan had been in that moment he had known that when they found out the truth Eric would be the first one apologizing. He had been right, of course. Calleigh had found him first but Eric hadn't been too far behind. Both of them had felt bad when they realized he had been tortured all night. Eric had been the first one to say that he could have trusted them and they would have helped if he had been honest with them. He had even told Ryan he understood why he hadn't told. Ryan knew he had understood because Eric had been dealing with Russian mob long before any of them had known they were on the scene. Eric had been hiding what was going on and it had been Ryan who had jumped in, pried, and went to H when he thought Eric was in trouble. Eric had said he would have liked the chance to return the favor. Things had gotten better between all of them after that. So much so, Ryan hadn't seen the current sequence of events coming.

He couldn't help but think they had let Eric down in some way. What was missing that Eric felt the need to help a criminal even it was his father? That wasn't the Eric Delko that he knew and Ryan was almost positive a significant detail was missing from the story. He didn't care about what the evidence said, or what it looked like, Ryan knew that there had to be a compelling reason for Eric to do what he had done. He wouldn't risk his life, his career, his reputation or his relationship with Calliegh just for some misguided sense of obligation to a man who should have stepped forward and done the right thing anyway. Ryan didn't have the answers but he determined that as soon as they located Eric he would do whatever it took to find them. His friend's life and his well-being depended on it.


End file.
